More Dead than Alive, thank you

My morbid curiosity was satisfied last night at the price of $6.50 and too many brain cells. But I think I shall talk about DoA as Raye requested. What I shall not do is wax too long on the subject. This sort of thing can strip an entire year’s worth of myelin from your neural circuit.


Here are some.



1. Kasumi was properly ruined. Devon Aoki acts wonderfully.

2. Tina Armstrong and her dad were the only people in character – I like Tina!

3. The ang moh staff designing the movie all obviously believed deep in their feeble little coconut-craniums that Chinese, Japanese and Korean were really the same.

4. The ang moh staff designing the movie also obviously knew absolutely nothing about Japanese clothing – ignorant bastards – skimping on the fabric even –

5. The choreography-editing was CTHD standard (guess the acronym!) but occasionally indulged fantastically in all the wrong body parts.

6. The accents made my eardrums curdle. In hell I shall hear Hayate’s voice for all eternity.

7. There were some really adorable Chinese pirates – in fact they were the highlight of the show.

8. Which self-respecting ninja screams maniacally when they sneak attack?

9. Which self-respecting ninja goes on a noisy ass-kicking spree in full sight of security cameras on a fact-finding spy mission?

10. Bra, anyone?



There you are. Having bundled up like a beautifully pink eskimo (3vil salmon-coloured hoodie) I sat in the glacially-endowed movie theatre wallowing in the bullshit I was being fed via colourful colours and too many katanas. Who the hell made this movie PG?

Was this just Singapore trying to loosen up? (okay my blood freezes at the very thought. I’d better stop here.)